Thursday, December 20, 2007

5 Toughest Questions For Men!

The five questions are:

1 - “What are you thinking?”
2 - “Do you love me?”
3 - “Do I look fat?”
4 - “Do you think she is prettier than me?”
5 - “What would you do if I died?”

 

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into
A major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly. For example:

1) “What are you thinking?”
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear.
I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful
Woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.”
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really
Thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
A) Baseball
B) Football
C) How fat you are.
D) How much prettier she is than you.
E) How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

(The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children,
Who was asked it by his wife, Peg. “If I wanted you to know,” Al said, “I’d be talking
Instead of thinking.”)

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2) “Do you love me?”
The correct answer to this question is, “Yes.” For those guys who feel the need
To be more elaborate, you may answer, “Yes, dear.” Wrong answers include:
A) I suppose so.
B) Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
C) That depends on what you mean by “love”.
D) Does it matter?
E) Who, me?

3) “Do I look fat?”
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state,
“No, of course not” and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
A) I wouldn’t call you fat, but I wouldn’t call you thin either.
B) Compared to what?
C) A little extra weight looks good on you.
D) I’ve seen fatter.
E) Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4) “Do you think she’s prettier than me?”
The “she” in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring
At so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you
Just saw. In any case, the correct response is, “No, you are much prettier.”
Wrong answers include:
A) Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
B) I don’t know how one goes about rating such things.
C) Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
D) Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner.
E) Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5) “What would you do if I died?”
Correct answer: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would
Cease to have meaning for me and I would of course hurl myself under the front
Tires of the first Domino’s Pizza truck that came my way.” This might be the
Stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

“Dear,” said the wife. “What would you do if I died?”
“Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,” said the husband.
“Why do you ask such a question?”
“Would you remarry?” persevered the wife.
“No, of course not, dear” said the husband.
“Don’t you like being married?” said the wife.
“Of course I do, dear” he said.
“Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
“All right,” said the husband, “I’d remarry.”
“You would?” said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
“Yes” said the husband.
“Would you sleep with her in our bed?” said the wife after a long pause.
“Well yes, I suppose I would.” replied the husband.
“I see,” said the wife indignantly. “And would you let her wear my old clothes?”
“I suppose, if she wanted to” said the husband.
“Really,” said the wife icily. “And would you take down the pictures of me and
Replace them with pictures of her?”
“Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.”
“Is that so?” said the wife, leaping to her feet. “And I suppose you’d let her play
With my golf clubs, too.”
“Of course not, dear,” said the husband. “She is left-handed. “

Posted by dilipprakash in 08:42:54 | Permalink | No Comments »

Nutrition Secrets

Please do save this file and read…

and pass it on to all your friends…

Training_Nutrition_and_Abs_Secrets

Posted by dilipprakash in 07:32:02 | Permalink | No Comments »

google Tricks

Tip Number One:

The first thing you must do to generate a productive search is think. You need to think about what it is you really want. You really have to search Google for the words or phrases that will be on the page you want, not for a description of the page or website. So if you are looking for a comparative review of wireless telephones, you will probably get more results from a list of names such as SmartPhone, Audiovox, Motorola, and so on, than the words “comparative review of wireless phones”.

Tip Number Two:

Use Quotation marks to force finding a specific phrase. When you surround your phrase with quotation marks, the search engine will only return results exactly matching the entire phrase. This is an extremely powerful search technique, and yet it is not used by the majority of web searchers. If you search on the two words George and Washington, you will get over 8 million results. If you put quotation marks around the entire name, your results will be restricted to about 3 million. And if your search is on “George Washington” “Cherry Tree”, you will only get about 12,600 results. You get the picture. This is especially important if your search contains what are called “stop words” - words that Google is designed to ignore, such as “and” “of” and “the”. By including these inside your quoted phrase, you will get more targeted search results.


worldofdilip.blog.com

Tip Number Three:

Use the Plus (+) and Minus (-) Signs. The plus sign just before a search term means “This MUST be found in the search”. Conversely, if you find a lot of search results that include a specific product, word, phrase, or item that you do not want to see, you can put a minus sign before that word or phrase, and those results will be excluded from your search. You can even exclude domains or top-level domains from your search - see the site: command below.

Tip Number Four:

Use the Asterisk (*) As a WildCard search term. Yes, you can insert an asterisk in your search phrase and it will act as a wild card matching any word in that place in the phrase. Not only that, but you can insert more than one asterisk in place of more than one word in your search phrase, up to the limit of ten search words - and the wild card markers are not counted toward this ten word limit.

Tip Number Five:

Use the site: command. If you are interested in finding examples of the term XMLHttp, but only on eggheadcafe.com, then you can create a search like this: site:eggheadcafe.com XMLHTTP This will restrict your search to only pages belonging to that web site. You will notice that in regular Google searches, if there are more than two results from that site, the second result will be indented and there will be a link “More results from …” - this automatically uses the site: qualifier. Also, you can search or exclude whole domains. For example, you can search for tampopo dvd site:co.uk or tampopo dvd -site:com

Posted by dilipprakash in 06:40:08 | Permalink | No Comments »

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)


 

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

 
 

An SIP is a method of investing a fixed sum, on a regular basis, in a mutual fund scheme. It is similar to regular saving schemes like a recurring deposit. An SIP allows one to buy units on a given date each month, so that one can implement a saving plan for themselves. A SIP can be started with as small as Rs 500 per month in ELSS schemes to Rs 1,000 per month in diversified equity schemes.

Buy low sell high, just four words sum up a winning strategy for the stock markets. But timing the market is not easy for everyone. In timing the markets one can miss the larger rally and may stay out while the markets were doing well. Therefore, rather than timing the market, investing month after month will ensure that one is invested at the high and the low, and make the best out of an opportunity that could be tough to predict in advance.

Why SIP?

u Mutual Fund investments are managed by qualified and experienced professionals who have the expertise of investment techniques, backed by dedicated investment research team

u You can purchase scheme units at a lesser cost as most of the Asset Management Companies (AMCs) charge less “entry load” (for some scheme even NIL) for SIP investments, as compared to normal purchases in the scheme.

u SIPs make the volatility in the market work in your favour. Since a fixed amount is invested more units are purchased when a schemes NAV is low and fewer units when the NAV is high. As a result, over a period of time these market fluctuations are generally averaged. Thus the average cost of your investment is often reduced.

u Since you invest regularly, it makes you disciplined in your savings, which leads to wealth accumulation.

The SIP reduces the average purchase cost, even in volatile markets with relative ease. When you invest a fixed amount every month, the number of mutual fund units you actually buy depends on their market price. Therefore, with the money you invest each month, you can buy less units when the market moves up and more units when the market moves down.


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This means you are averaging out your cost. If you invest Rs 1000 a month at a price of Rs 20 a unit, you will have bought 50 units (1000/20). But at a price of Rs 10 per unit, you will have bought 100 units (1000/10). Investing a fixed sum regularly means averaging out the cost, as you get fewer units when the price goes up and more when the price goes down.

Posted by dilipprakash in 06:36:25 | Permalink | No Comments »

Top 10 Tips for Self-Improvement

TRUTH: 21st Century

While I do not always end up managing to put each of the following tips into practice, I do make a big effort to do so each day. This is a list of my favorite tips to improving your life. All it takes is a little bit each day and you will see wondrous changes.

10. Get off to a Good Start

This means getting up early and eating breakfast. You will have much more energy throughout the day to follow the rest of these tips if you do! If you are so inclined, you can even include a little exercise in your morning routine. If you live with other people you can try to use this opportunity to get everyone together at the table to eat in the mornings. This is a nice way to start the day and a good way to ensure open lines of communication in a very busy household.

9. Keep a Schedule

It is a very good idea to write down the tasks you need to achieve in each day. As you complete them, tick them off. You should not, however, feel like you are bound to your list. If you don’t manage to do everything, it doesn’t matter - move any incomplete tasks from today on to tomorrow’s list. This is also a great help if you are a procrastinator.

8. Take a Break and have Fun

If you spend too much time in front of the computer, at your desk, or doing whatever it is that your occupation requires, you should take a break. This doesn’t mean you have to take time off work - it just means you should try to make better use of your non-work time to do something fun. I always have difficulty pulling myself away from the computer and as a result I don’t go out as often as I should on the weekend or in the evening. But every time I do - I wonder why I haven’t done it sooner. This is a good way to develop new interests, and friends and to break up the monotony of everyday life.

7. Be Generous

Generosity has a tendency to come back. By generosity I am not referring only to money. You can be generous with your smiles, your advice, and many other things. Always try to find a way to help others. One day you may be in great need and people you know will be more likely to come to your aid when they know that you would do the same for them. You might know someone that could use help around the home from time to time - not only are you doing a good thing by helping them out, but you may also make a great new friend.

6. Accept the things you can’t Change

When something bad happens in our lives, we try to fix them or change them. But sometimes we can’t. Often this leads us to spend hours moping and falling in to depression. If you can make yourself accept the things you cannot change - you will become a much happier person. Acceptance of these situations also allows us to start finding a way to cope much faster. For example, you may realize that you have only $10 left in your bank account that has to last the next 2 weeks. Instead of getting down about it, accept that you have no money and work out a way to survive on that amount. You can save yourself from wasting hours in a bad mood by just getting on with life. You will find much more serenity in life following this tip.

5. Learn a New Language

Learning another language is one of the best ways to improve your grasp on English. In my own experience, learning French at high school taught me so much more about grammar than English class ever did. In addition, when I later started studying Ancient Greek, I learnt a lot about the roots of English words - something I have found very useful in writing in the years since. As well as improving your knowledge of English, if you learn a living language you increase the number of places you might like to visit - or make those holidays much more enjoyable by being able to speak to the natives in their own tongue.

4. Break the Chain

If you have a lot of patterns in your life, try breaking them - do something different every day. Let’s say you always order the same meal at your regular Friday night restaurant. Why not try something else this Friday? Not only do you get to broaden your experiences of life, you open up many doors for the future. Not long ago I would never eat oriental foods or seafood. Then one day I decided that I would just try it. Seafood is now one of my favorite foods and I would hate to be without it. Because I discovered that I love Thai and Chinese food, I can eat in any restaurant I want. That first step also meant that I am now willing to try absolutely any food. My disliking for those foods had a much greater impact as well - I would only holiday in countries that had foods I felt safe with. Since then I have been to Oriental countries and loved it.

3. Face the Fear

Every day you should do something you don’t want to do - or feel uncomfortable doing. This varies in degrees for everyone, but we all have little things we can start out with. For example, you may not go to the gym because you fear everyone looking at you - do it anyway! In no time you will be so much more confident that you abolish the fear entirely and can move on to the next fear - maybe even something bigger. Living a fearless life gives you a confidence that is visible to others. Instead of building walls around ourselves, we should be tearing them down.

2. Forget Goals - Live for the Now

Lists of this nature almost always tell you to set and write goals. I am going to tell you the opposite. A very wise psychotherapist once told me that if you set a goal, and achieve it, you are often left with an empty feeling because the goal is not what you thought it would be. Not only does it not satisfy, you inevitably end up missing out on so much life by striving to reach something in the future. Having said this, I don’t think you should ignore the future - it is worth having some idea of what you might like to one day achieve - but don’t focus all of your energy on getting it. A good example of the difference is this: I have a goal to live in France. I spend 10 years trying to save up all my money so I can acheive that goal. In the meantime I am so busy scrimping and saving, that I can’t afford to go out with friends, I can’t afford to live in a nice home, and I am miserable because I am not living in France. On the other hand, if I simply decide that one day I would like to live in France, the idea is in my mind, but I continue to live and enjoy my life. In living my life, I am happy now and not focused on a distant goal. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t happen, I haven’t failed at anything. But who knows what wonderful things may happen in my life in the meantime? A very good fictitious example of this can be found in the film
American Beauty

1. Don’t Procrastinate

This is one I struggle with a lot in my own life. This has been a great challenge for me as I work from home, but taking this job has really helped me to stop putting things off and take control of my life. The feeling after completing a task you would normally put off is a great high - and certainly a much healthier one than some of the other highs in our lives. When you put something off, you are putting yourself into time-debt. You have to pay that debt back and almost always you end up having to do that at the most inconvenient time. By putting off writing an article for the site, for example, I end up having to write one at 7 at night when I would rather be watching a movie and having a drink! Your life will become so much more organized if you follow this rule.

 

Posted by dilipprakash in 06:11:35 | Permalink | No Comments »