Sharing the Collections of Dilip Prakash

This is to provide some comic relief........ You just can't stop laughing for every single sentence in the letter below. ;)

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly
called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel"
near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer
months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she
went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is
an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.


The woman fainted reading the reply........ and she never visited India!!!!

This is to provide some comic relief........ You just can't stop laughing for every single sentence in the letter below. ;)

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly
called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel"
near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam,

I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer
months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.

It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she
went last, which pains her greatly.

You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is
an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.

The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.


The woman fainted reading the reply........ and she never visited India!!!!

Why call center guys are paid so much.....

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST
BEING ON THE PHONE. ...?

TAKE A LOOK:


1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


----------------------------------------

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am
still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


--------------------------------------------------

3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

--------------------------------------------------

5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

--------------------------------------------------

6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

--------------------------------------------------

7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------

8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."
Tech support : ??????

--------------------------------------------------

9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech Support : ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------

10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"


Tech support : ??????

--------------------------------------------------

11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
--------------------------------------------------

12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

--------------------------------------------------

13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report
that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keeps quite for moment)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM <http://nosmoke.com/> at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come
with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give
you the
file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and
he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

-------------------------------------------------

H eight Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right
now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
 
He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He   told, "First  they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out  the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.    
 
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of  people waiting to get in.
 
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you   in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
 
"But  that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many  people waiting to get in?"


"Because maintenance is so bad that

• the electric chair does not work,
• someone  has stolen all the nails from the bed
• and the devil is a former Govt  servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!! !

Bombay has no bombs and is a harbour not a bay.

Churchgate has neither a church nor a gate. It is a railway station.

There is no darkness in Andheri.

Lalbaag is neither red nor a garden.

No king ever stayed at Kings Circle .

Nor did Queen Victoria stay at Victoria Terminus.

Nor is there any princess at Princess Street .

Lower Parel is at the same level as Parel

There are no marines or sailors at Marine Lines.

The Mahalaxmi temple is at Haji Ali not at Mahalaxmi.

There are no pigs traded at Dukar bazaar.

Teen bati is a junction of 3 roads, not three lamps.

Trams used to terminate at Kings circle not Dadar*Tram Terminus (Dadar
T.T.).

Breach Candy is not a sweetmeat market, but there is a Hospital.

Safed Pool has the dirtiest and blackest water.

You cannot buy coal at Kolsa street.

There are no Iron smiths at Lohar chawl.

There are no pot makers at Kumbhar wada.

Lokhandwala complex is not an Iron and steel market.

Null bazaar does not sell taps

You will not find ladyfingers at Bheendi Bazaar.

Kalachowki does not have a black Police station.

Hanging Gardens are not suspended.

Mirchi Gully does not sell chillies.

Figs do not grow in Anjir Wadi,

Sitafals do not grow in Sitafal Wadi,

Jackfruits do not grow at Fanaswadi

But it is true that you may get fleeced at Chor Bazaar!!!

AMCHI MUMBAI

A City where everything is possible, especially the impossible.

Where lovers first love and then marry, Where there is place for every
Tom, Dick and Harry

Where telephone bills make a person ill, Where a person cannot sleep
without a pill.

Where carbon-dioxide is more than oxygen, Where the road is considered
to be a dustbin,

Where college canteens are full and classes empty, Where Adam teasing is
also making an entry,

Where a cycle reaches faster than a car, Where everyone thinks himself
to be a star,

Where sky scrapers overlook the slum, Where houses collapse as the
monsoon comes,

Where people first act and then think, Where there is more water in the
pen than ink,

Where the roads see-saw in monsoon, Where the beggars become rich soon,

Where the roads are levelled when the minister arrives,

Where college admission means hard cash, Where cement is frequently
mixed with ash.

This is Mumbai my dear, But don't fear, just cheer, come to Mumbai every
year!

THINGS TO PROVE YOU'RE A BOMBAYITE.

1. You say "town " and expect everyone to know that*this means south of
Churchgate.

2 You speak in a dialect of Hindi called 'Bambaiya Hindi', which only
Bombayites can understand.*

3. Your door has more than three locks.

4. Rs 500 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.

5. Train timings (9.27, 10.49 etc) are really important events of life.

6. You spend more time each month traveling than you spend at home.

7. You call an 8' x 10' clustered room a Hall.

8. You're paying Rs 10,000 for a 1 room flat, the size of walk-in closet
and you think it's a "steal."

9. You have the following sets of friend: school friends, college
friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and yes, train friends, a
species unique only in Bombay.

10. Cabbies and bus conductors think you are from Mars if you call the
roads by their Indian name, they are more familiar with Warden Road,
Peddar  Road, Altamount Road .

11. Stock market quotes are the only other thing*besides cricket which
you follow passionately.

12. The first thing that you read in the Times of India is the " Bombay
Times" supplement.

13. You take fashion seriously. You're suspicious of strangers who are
actually nice to you.

14. Hookers, beggars and the homeless are invisible.

15. You compare Bombay to New York 's Manhattan instead of any other
cities of India.

16. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

17. You insist on calling CST as VT, and Sahar and Santacruz airports
instead of Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport.

18. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

19. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your
toes.

20. Being truly alone makes you nervous.

21. You love wading through knee deep mucky water in the monsoons, and
actually call it ''romantic'.

22. Only in Bombay , you would get Chinese Dosa and Jain Chicken.